BEFORE Vampires were cool.... they drank books.
The main character of this book follows a man who seriously does not touch the ground and drinks ink. He chases him out of his father's bookstore, then into a cemetery. Where in the world are any of these kids' parents?! I never set foot into a cemetery until I had to learn how to drive, like the Good Lord intended.
That's what cemeteries are FOR.
So the kid ends up finding the vampire in a coffin, and the vampire explains that he has become allergic to blood. Side effects include: drinking ink. After explaining how AWESOME drinking ink is (but not store-bought ink--- no, aged ink on a page), the vampire is like, "it's so cool dude I'm gonna make you a vampire, NBD".
But actually I guess it turns out for the best, since the main character can totally trip on books now (that taste like brownies, by the way) and all it cost him was his soul.
Moral of the story: your soul is worth trading in for the chance to hang out with pirates IRL. Though I'm pretty sure that's news to no one.

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